Is your partner a TV cheater? Find out in this post…
We hate to break it to you, but there’s a 50% chance your partner is cheating on you. They may even be doing it right now.
Luckily, it’s not that kind of cheating. No, it’s something much, much worse: your partner could be a TV cheat.
A TV cheat is someone who watches episodes of a TV show without their partner, despite the couple starting the show together, because they can’t wait to find out what happens next any longer.
It sounds silly, but TV cheating is actually a very real problem. According to a study carried out by Netflix, 51% of people have TV cheated on their partners, or at least would if they got the chance.
Here are a few ways to spot a TV cheat, and some suitable punishments to dish out after you’ve caught them in the act.
They know a suspicious amount about a character who has only just appeared
A character appears for the first time. You’re looking forward to learning all about them and their history. But your TV watching partner doesn’t seem too bothered, even when we learn something important about the character. Occasionally, they’ll let slip a fact about the character too.
Additional signs include a resigned tone when talking about the character (which means they die), or an excited glint in the eye (which means the character is going to do something very exciting).
Punishment: Force them to write you a 1000 word report on the character, complete with a deconstruction of their role in the show and the wider social themes they represent.
They’re not paying attention
You’re engrossed in the show, but your partner seems distracted. They’re playing with their phone, looking around the room, talking more than usual – anything but watching the show. They could just be bored…or they might have seen the episode already!
Punishment: Take their phone off them and force them to watch the episode with you. Although don’t go full-on Clockwork Orange…
They’re spending more time at work
Late nights at the office used to be associated with seedy liasons with lusty colleagues, but an increasing number of people are using work time to stream episodes.
Some people would say finding out your partner is only watching TV instead of having an affair is a good thing, but victims of TV cheating know differently.
Punishment: Make them actually work while you catch up on the episodes you’ve missed.
They have post-season depression
Remember that funk you went into after Breaking Bad finished? That feeling of loss, of helplessness, or fear? The way you shuffled about with your head down, muttering ‘we need to cook’ under your breath?
That’s post-season depression, which occurs when you finish a show and suddenly have a massive hole in your life. If your loved one is looking a bit down in the dumps, but has no obvious reason to be, they could doing the TV dirty on you.
Punishment: The cheat has to treat you like royalty and bring you gifts to cheer you up when you’re going through your own post-season depression.
You find a rogue boxset lying next to the DVD player
Just like finding a unidentifiable pair of pants in the back of your spouse’s car, a boxset left lying around is a sure sign of TV adultery. Oh, they were just ‘admiring the artwork’? Sure…
Punishment: The cheat has to sort and clean your DVD collection while you catch up.
They’re a bit too good at predicting what happens next
People can’t resist trying to figure out what happens next in a TV show; it makes them feel clever, even though it’s really annoying.
A few lucky guesses here and there are fine, but if your partner is practically reading the script then you’ve probably got yourself a cheater.
Punishment: You get to watch the next episode alone and then successfully ‘guess’ what happens when you rewatch it with your partner.
If TV cheating is affecting your relationship, it may be time to take a break – from TV, that is. Sell your boxsets with musicMagpie!